One of the advantages of velux windows that is rarely (never) mentioned in the brochures is that they don’t just function as windows; they also function as doors. Which is great if you’re a teenager looking for excitement; not so great if you’re that teenager’s parent.
Me: ‘How did you get into the house?’ I asked my son who was unexpectedly at home when I returned from work.
Son: ‘The window’.
‘Why didn’t you use the spare keys?’
‘What spare keys?’
‘Those spare keys’, I replied pointing to the spare keys on the kitchen counter.
‘Oh, those. Yeah, I put them there to make you think I’d used the door’
Me: ‘Wait, which window?’
Son: ‘What are you talking about?’
‘You said you got into the house via the window’
‘No I didn’t’
‘You said a few minutes ago that you got into the house through the window, and literally just said two seconds ago that you deliberately put the spare keys on the counter to deflect attention from that fact’
‘Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot. My bedroom window’
‘What the fuc…’
We both go into the garden and look up at the roof.
‘Are you insane?’ I ask rhetorically.
‘Dad, it’s easy. I simply climb onto this, jump across to that, pull myself along and…’
‘Stop! If you slipped, you’d slide down the tiles and die from the fall’
‘That would never happen’
‘How could you possibly know that?’
‘You installed the window’
‘So it’s my fault!?’
“Yes”
My son is diagnosed with both ADHD and autism. Conversations like this are typical and they make my head hurt. On the plus side, I get to hone my debating skills every…single…day.
‘How is it my fault?’
‘You installed the window’
‘Well, actually, the builder installed it, not me’
‘Yes, but if the window wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have climbed through it. That’s very irresponsible parenting’.
Exhausted and beaten, I lie down…in the kitchen.
Andrew
